Love...Not a Feeling But a Choice...…Both a Privilege and Responsibility
There is a big difference between “falling in love” and loving someone. Do you ever fall on purpose? God didn’t 'fall' in love with us and then because of that love - decide that we needed a savior. He didn’t ’feel’ emotionally bound to his creation. It was no accident that Christ suffered a horrible death because of our wretched sin. Every act of love regarding God and you was no accident…it was a choice.
If it were any other way, Jesus could have decided to save each one of us differently. For instance He could say, she hasn’t much character but she’s done a lot of good works….I’ll save her. Or He could decide by circumstance…..since he is a Jew, a descendent of Abraham, I’ll save him; or what about, He’s bad, but he tithes so he’s in. He could have chosen to ‘love’ us according to our respectability or sweetness or even our beauty but then that all would have been left to chance. No, God does not love us by chance…He chooses to love us. What have you and I done lately that would make us worthy of such love? The greatest part of this choice of love on God’s part is that we don’t deserve his love nor can we be good enough, sweet enough, intelligent enough or even ‘tall enough’! Uh- uh…..it’s unconditional, no strings attached, it is timeless, never to be taken back and it is limitless- He gives us more love than we can possibly hold or understand! Love - it’s a choice. It is a God given responsibility and it is a privilege to be given the task of loving as He loves.
We say “I love this and love that…I love your hair that way, I love the ocean…I love to sit curled up with a blanket and a good book…" etc. and in that context I’m not saying that Jesus didn’t love to walk and talk with his friends or mother, or that he didn’t love to hold a new baby or that He didn’t love the experience of observing a new convert or that he didn’t love to learn carpentry from his earthly father, but that’s a different, less complicated kind of love. There are many forms of love but I don’t want to confuse the act of loving with the thoughts of love. Though one can stem from the other, the choice of loving is unmistakable.
When it comes to people, we often are put into the position of ‘must loving’ them because they seem, at least to us in a personal way, unlovable - yet, we still must love them. We pick up a baby or a puppy or a tiny kitty and we “feel” emotionally overwhelmed but do we feel love? A baby is precious; the infant must rely totally upon the adult….that understanding causing us to ’care’ and ooh, and ah. Some women struggle with loving their children instantly. I really believe that I loved my children from the minute I laid eyes upon them. I didn’t have to choose to love them, I just did. Sometimes though, I had to choose to like them.
I once read an account of a woman who held her child immediately after giving birth and knew it would be a long time before she could love this little stranger who had come in to interrupt her life. What a shame. I know women experience that but I never did and I praise God for that. I have never lost that 'knowing' (not a feeling) of love for my children. When they are not your loved one...then what? There are others that I have known along the way who have been giving and fun to be around and loving toward me and yet I still have had to choose to love them. That kind of love is a gift from knowing God. I have also known others that have not been nice, never there for me, I cannot trust them nor do I believe in them yet I love them….how can I? Because God has ordained love from the believer. He instills it in us and …He commands it from us.
Let’s look at the love chapter in I Corinthians 13. Most Christians know this section of scripture pretty well.
What are the choices here? Charity (love) is so important to Paul that he emphatically tells you three times (vs.1-3) that without love everything else is nothing! Nothing else matters as much as love. What if you are convinced that you cannot love your husband or a parent or a stranger or that poor beggar that will do anything to keep from working? Inside you are calling him a bum! He deserves nothing, after all doesn’t it say in the Bible if he doesn’t work he doesn’t eat? Yes! But no where will you see that you are not to love him anyway. It is commanded yet still your choice. How can it be both…isn’t that an oxymoron? God tells us to do it but he doesn’t make us….we choose the right over the wrong. How will you lead the beggar, the parent, the husband, the child, the stranger - to the Lord if you are filled with despair, anger, pride, loathing, hate, ego etc?
When you were saved, if you were, you made a choice. God could save you without giving you a choice as to whether or not you want his Son as Savior. How many of you said at the time of that choice “I’m going to accept Jesus as my Savior to glorify God”? I didn’t. I never even thought of glorifying God at the time of my salvation! I was too busy rejoicing that I wasn’t going to go to hell. I was forgiven. My sins forgotten. He loved me anyway, warts and all! He CHOSE to love my sins away. It was only later as I grew in knowledge through the word that I understood that love was not a gooey feeling or expectation.
Before we look more into I Corinthians, let’s look at the word ‘love’. There are different definitions and forms.
Philos - Emotional, casual as in friendship
Eros - Physical/sexual desire (erotic)
Agape - Deep selfless, expect nothing in return kind of love. You choose to love instead of looking at the worth of the individual.
Now let’s look at verses 4-8a. (NIV) What love is and is not…
a) Love is patient
b) Love is kind
c) Its not envious
d) Love doesn’t boast or brag
e) Love isn’t proud
f) It is not rude or self seeking
g) Does not anger easily
h) Does not keep track
i) Does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
j) Always protects
k) Always trusts
l) Always hopes
m) Always perseveres/ keeps going, doesn’t give up
n) Love never fails
Isn’t it amazing all the things God took the time to point out about what love is and isn’t. And yet, it is a choice.
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY...
After looking over the list of what love is and is not:
a) Examine your own thoughts on what love is
b) Ask yourself if you have strings attached to the love you share
c) Do others have to prove that they love you before you can unconditionally love them in return?
d) Are you afraid of getting hurt by loving others?
Looking Ahead -
Part II What is So Special About Love?
