In part one of Communication we studied communication between God and Man. In this second part we will look at communication between man and man. In some areas it takes on totally difference aspects.
b) Man to Man - Matthew 5:37 “But let your communication be Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil” (KJV) “Simply, let your ‘Yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No;’ anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (NIV) In other words…keep it simple and you will keep on track and not stray from the truth.
We will break this portion of the study into two parts. 1) The part of the listener and 2) The part of the speaker. Communication is not just a verbal transaction. Mighty statements can be made without a word being said. Just a glance can send a clear message and body language as a whole is powerful.
BODY LANGUAGE
THE SPEAKER
Have you ever felt that you lost your case before you even had the opportunity to present it? Sometimes we don’t even have to open our mouths…but a message gets relayed. Body language can do a lot of things:
1. It can cause the listener not to give full attention to what you are audibly saying. Why? You have probably had it happen to you…perhaps you think the other person is not paying attention to what you have to say, when it might just be that your physical and verbal message doesn’t match. Let me give you an example. I was once told by a mentor that I shouldn’t trust anyone who wouldn’t look me in the eye when they spoke to me. I said that I thought very shy people might have a problem with that, yet never meaning to be dishonest. My friend refused to believe anything but the advice he gave. I could never buy into it. I have wondered whether others have second guessed my integrity because they had been taught the same advice. There are times when I have caught myself hesitating and looking away in order to remember something clearly, just to be sure I answer with integrity. I caution you to be careful before judging truth on this ground. That being said, the listener will often determine their outlook of truth by your body language. [At this writing there has been a lot of study on facial expression and body language.I caution you to be careful before trying to analyze the meaning of another’s statements through their external physical expression.Leave that to the professionals.]
2. A conversation can also be confusing when the listener uses negative body language. The listener’s physical response can put the speaker on the defensive.
3. Physical language can also cause intimidation. A facial expression, a movement of the hand, a firm stance, etc., all speak volumes and can turn common communication into something dishonest or manipulating. Who needs stress in every day conversation? We can eliminate a lot of it by noticing (and if need be, correcting) our tone of voice; the tilt of our head; the placement of our hands etc.
4. Physical language can also bring ease and comfort. A facial expression, such a smile, or setting yourself below eye level of the listener can relax the other party (especially if there is concern of confrontation). When studying communication skills I was taught that you could tell if a person was open or reserved by how they held their hands. I believe after many years of observation that some of what I learned is true. But again, I caution you to not put too much stock in these things…it could cause you to keep your distance from someone who could, if given the chance, be your best and most reliable friend.
It is important to use wisdom when trying to honestly communicate your ideas and thoughts to another. If you are bent on trying to impress someone, for whatever reason, you could be tempted to exaggerate or tell a mistruth. Paul warned Timothy (I Timothy 6:20 – “Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge” (suggested reading I Timothy 6:17-21) God makes things so clear if we readily seek his guidance in all things. Something as everyday and normal as conversation can put us on edge and cause great strife in our lives. This portion of scripture wisely instructs us to ‘turn away from godless yapping and what is ‘falsely called knowledge’. There is your truth, their truth and the whole truth of God. Test the ‘truth’ against God’s litmus strip – the Bible. God’s Word stands forever (Isaiah 40:8) but our words are as the wind.
THE LISTENER
We can be part of excellent and meaningful conversation when we are sincere. We need to check our attitude in all communication. Here are some questions for you.
1. Do you listen intently when someone is talking to you? Oh? If you said ‘Of course I do, do you think I’m rude?” Well, then of course I’m not talking to you, but just a thought….there are a lot of long winded talkers but very few good listeners. It is only normal to want to be heard. There is nothing wrong with wanting our ideas out there – to have someone notice our worth. However, a great listener is priceless and will often do more good than a good talker. Unfortunately too many people like to hear themselves and also see themselves as much more important in the scheme of things than they really are. Have you ever said… “Why didn’t someone tell me….why wasn’t I warned…I wouldn’t have done that if I had only known... Etc.” There is a very good possibility that someone did try to tell you-warn you- fill you in…but you were too busy carrying both sides of the conversation.
2. After you have asked a question…do you listen to the answer or are you too busy thinking of your next question? I can’t count the times that I was aware of that happening. I just want to sigh and hang my head, you can’t make anyone listen. Once you have asked a question – stop and really listen to the answer. REALLY listen. Just because someone gives you advise doesn’t mean that you have to take it. BUT-it could be that God is using that person to help guide you. Listen and learn…pray for His instruction; you will either discern to accept the advise as right for you or disregard it because you do not feel peace in the response. Let God lead. He does use others in our lives. He doesn’t always use other Christians. I say that from experience.
3. If the other person has a negative response in your conversation do you feel responsible for the outcome? Why? If you have not done anything to put them on the defensive, if you have been honest and kind, if you have not set yourself above them in attitude, then you are not responsible for their actions. Turn it over to the Lord and trust. Don’t waste time dwelling on something that God has allowed. Instead move forward and practice being a confident communicator. Christians are to be Christ-like even in our communication. We expect God to listen, to care and respond…should we be any less attentive? Whether we agree with the other person or not, whether you even value their opinion or not …well, that person is loved by God just as much as you are.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: It is always important that we remember that to a Christian, in any conversation, the topic needs to be acceptable to the ears of God. Instead of always having to be right and to be in control of your personal communication, remember that God is ultimately in control…there is no room for pride or uncomely language. Discipline is a factor here. Whether talking to God in prayer or man in every day conversation…call on the Holy Spirit. Whether you are taking time to hear God by being still and patient or listening to a spouse or child…do so with honor and respect. You will teach what you live.
An effective speaker is important…but an effectual listener is priceless.
Wisdom and sincerity in conversation honors Christ and brings Confident Communication
Walking in Peace / division of C.O.P.E. Women's Ministries Sue Puff, author
