Walking in Peace Ministries

WATCH YOUR STEP-

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.

The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Whatz more beautiful than freckles? ...

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You`ve got so many freckles, there`s no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child`s cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."The boy looked up, "Really?""Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that`s prettier than freckles."The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma`s face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."

I wuz justa wonderin'...

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

     These reports are old but are suppose to be actual quotes taken from insurance forms:

* Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
* The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
* A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face
* I pulled away from the side of the road...glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
...and * I had been driving 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. (Probably should have taken a break after twenty years.)

Traffic Accident

Well, Your Honor, I really didn't mean to get into a fight with the driver of the car I ran into the other day.

I was rear-ended, which caused me to rear-end the car in front of me. The driver, whom you can see is a dwarf, approached aggressively after the accident yelling, "I am NOT happy."

I decided that I would try to lighten things up and answered, "OK, I can see that, but then which one are you?"

That's when the fight started.

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.

I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Enjoy life...think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why does 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
If a cow laughs hard, will milk come out its nose?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge...would they call it Fed UP?
Why do Kamikaze pilots where helmets?
Warning:  If you are too open minded...your brains will fall out.
How do you know when something reaches room temperature?...isn't it always room temperature?
Should vegans eat animal crackers?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
If "poli' means many, and "tics" means bloodsucking creatures, then what does "politics" mean?
Okay...so what is the 'speed of dark'?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

Well...?  Do you have any earth shattering and pointed questions that can exercise 'lazy brain disease'?  Send them to Walking in Peace through our contact page.